Personal Training update

The personal training workouts are moving along. As of today it has been one month since I started my sessions with Steve so today rather than working out I had the opportunity to get my self weighed and measured and pinched for body fat counts. Oh Yeah!

When I'd had my measurements and all done at the beginning I didn't ask to see them and didn't want to know, all I wanted to be told was after the next "check-up" if I'd improved. Now I did accidentally see my weight last time and that was fairly traumatic in itself (and was glad I didn't know the other numbers). So, following suit, I didn't want to know today either... I've already signed up for the additional sessions, he can see the numbers, he knows my goals, just work my ass of til I'm there (or my cash runs out). BUT, he had other plans, he shared. I've lost 7 pounds and a total of 6 inches. My body fat is still high, but Steve reassured me that in comparison to the Amer. Heart Assoc. I wasn't that far off from the "normal" range. Personally, I'm a little disgusted with my body fat count percent -- but then again 0% isn't a healthy percentage, body's need to have fat on them. Guess I have a few self image issues eh? lol, and if you knew me you'd know how true that is...

So after spending my hour of personal training time becoming frustrated... I went and ran! Tried to funnel my frustrations into pushing myself harder (which is something I've decided I am not doing enough of). I got in 2 miles and some good stretching time. Hopefully be able to match those 2 miles the next two days... I ran without the ipod again and it went well. Thinking of trying to go without it the next couple of days and see how it continues to go.

Dealing with Life in general

The reason behind this blog was to keep me in check with my workouts and my training and with trying to re-kindle my enjoyment of running. But, the things that happen in the rest of my life CLEARLY have an effect on my workouts and health habits (that and since nobody reads my blog, what difference does it really make what I write about on here... right? ok, well sort of right).

I think I'm living a page out of my life in bizarro world. Here's my thing... what's the statue of limitations on apologies?

If a situation occurs between two people and after the occurrence you have no contact or interactions of any sort with that person... Is it "ok" for that person to come out of the blue three years later and apologize? I have basically written this person off, they are no longer a part of my life and I have come to terms with it. Or at least I thought I had...

Does the situation change depending on the type of friend the person was; a life long/childhood friend, a co-worker friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend? I suppose the seriousness of the infraction plays a part, too, maybe.

Anyhow, I've had a blast from the past and had this other person come up out of the blue and apologize. The problem is, I am not certain of their intentions for this... (yes, I have trust issues on day-to-day basis but seriously not sure I can trust this person anymore after all that has happened). Now, lets say this person showed up two and a half years ago with this apology or even two years ago... I would have most likely jumped at the situation to make amends with this person. But so much has happened in my life in these three years...and I would have expected this person to be there for me during the times of my brother and Dad's illnesses. The truth is, this person wasn't there during my saddest darkest moments and I am not sure I can forgive that. Is that unfair? Selfish? or Human?

Ugh....

Running with demons

Been fighting lots or running demons and other internal demons alot over the past couple of weeks...I can't seem to run even a mile lately without just feeling exhausted and hyper-ventalating, been having some restless nights with out much sleep so I have slept in and skipped the gym more than I care to admit. Last night was a long evening, but a good one so that helped; went to see a midnight showing of the new "Get Smart" movie. By the time I dropped my friend off and then got myself home it was almost 3am...guess getting up at 4:15 to head to the gym wasn't going to happen! Woke up around 6 and decided that maybe I was in need of a good "mental health day" so I call into work, rolled over and went back to sleep.

I woke up about 9am...the kitties just couldn't wait for breakfast any longer!...checked my emails, had a quick breakfast, chatted with my friend who was on his way to Canada for the weekend and then headed out to the gym! Was a beautiful day out and thought about heading down to the park to run, but the mile markers aren't marked real well and I was afraid I'd give up too early. Besides, somewhere in my head I had decided that I was going to run 3 miles or 30 minutes today! Ok, now first off, I haven't run a solid non-stop 3 miles in probably about 10-12 months and second well with running about a 11-12 minute mile I sure wasn't going to get in those 3 miles in the 30 minutes...seriously, what the hell was I thinking?!?!

I got to the gym did some ab work then lots of stretching then onto the track to warm up and then run! As I walked the track to warm up those demons that have bugging me lately woke up and started chattering...they were some strong ones today. What was going to only be 3-4 lap walking warm-up turned into almost 20 minutes of walking and fighting with those demons. To top it all off i'd left my i-pod at home, usually the music lulls the demons back to sleep or I just turn it up louder to drown them out and I focus on getting through the next song...but today no music, just me and the demons! They reminded me of the weight I've gained and the clothes that don't fit that did last year, reminded me of the skittles and diet Coke I'd had at the movies last night, and how slow I am when I do run, they brought up work and that with the merger I could be out of a job within the next year, they even brought up personal relationships, they had no boundaries today... I kept trying to quiet them and rationalize with them telling them - I am at the gym, I am working out, I have my trainer, overall I am eating better, I have proved myself at my job and if/when one door closes another will open, I have at least one good friend and others who care about me. Then I glanced at the clock, 11:30 exactly, and for a brief moment I ignored everything else in my head and all i heard was "Run!".... And I did...I ran. I turned their taunts into conversations and then into debates...I was going to dispell their aweful ideas. Suddenly a couple other people , faster people, came up to the track to run and I wondered if they had demons they were conversing with...or maybe it's just me and I am crazy?! I looked at the clock and 20 minutes had passed, I was already over a mile and a half, I did a quick check and everything was feeling fine. 30 minutes, that was basically my initial goal but I only have 8 more laps to go and I'll have my 3 miles...keep pushing, nothing comes easy, sometimes we have to find our limits... I can feel blisters forming on my big toe..."stop running on your tip-toes", "control your breathing"...Oh Now the Demons are Giving Running Advice!!...

When all was done I'd ran 50 laps (a smidge over 3 miles) in 35 minutes! I did it! I ran 3 miles without stopping. I know this is no real feat to some people, I read blogs of real runners who are doing a 3 mile warm-up before their 30 mile runs, some run 50k's and even 100-miles, but for me, today, my victory came at just a smidge over 3 miles long and I did it!

So now I am home and have the rest of the afternoon to myself and I feel content.

I know those demons will be back and I will be ready for them!

Personal Training update

So had my 6th training session this morning and will be re-signing this Saturday for at least another 8 sessions, if I can figure out the finances though I may sign up for 16 -- that'll get me through to my birthday. I just find it hard to believe that the first set of sessions is almost over. Time sure does fly when you are having fun - lol.

My trainer (Steve) insists that I'm getting stronger and says it looks like I've lost some weight. But it's only been a couple of weeks, and I don't feel it or see it. All I see is the negative stuff, like I'm still not able to do lunges all that well and my form is all off and my lower back is really fighting me the past week and I don't know what's up with my running but I'm lucky to complete a mile without stopping and blah, blah, blay. I know BE POSITIVE! I am re-building my leg muscles and getting them stronger so they fatigue quicker once I run after training...it WILL get better. The weight didn't really come on over-night, so don't expect it to come off over-night. I am eating healthier and making better choices when I eat out.

A Looong Week

So, Saturday was my first session with my personal trainer, I woke up feeling a little crummy and was not really looking forward to being tortured so I was really happy when I got to the gym that I'd forgotten our first "session" wasn't working out but going over eating habits and goals and measurements and such not. I didn't even look to see what my body fat figure ended up being...I know it's bad! I wasn't going to look on the scale either, but at the last second I glanced down and saw the number I'd pretty much expected. But, as was said many times during that hour, "it is what it is". I am looking forward to getting back on track, getting healthier, and looking better is never a bad thing either!

After all the info was gathered I did stick around the gym and worked out some, still feeling crummy though I opted out of doing any running. Sunday ended up being an off day -- not purposely, but laundry and other miscellaneous house cleaning duties called before heading over to get my Mom and head out to my sister's for the day.

Recap for the rest of the week --
Monday, hour workout consisting of upper body, arms and abs then hit the track for about 20 minutes. Spent the rest of the day with my Mom, she came over to my place this time and helped me clean up the lawn furniture and hung out while I cleaned out the garage. Hung out at a friend's house later in the day for a few hours. All-in-all a relaxing Memorial day.

Tuesday, abs, lots of pre and post run stretching, run for about 20 minutes; total time at gym 70 minutes. Work was crazy busy. But busy is so much better than the alternative!

Wednesday, hour workout session with trainer followed by an hour consisting of pre and post run stretching and doing a run/walk offset for 40 minutes. Today would have been my parents 59th wedding anniversary; so I took the day off work to spend it with my Mom. Got to her house early and headed out to Lodi to do a little shopping and walking followed by a nice late lunch/early dinner out.

Thursday, abs, stretching and 20 minute run. Expected with being off on Wednesday that work would be busy, but instead it was just a nice steady day. Headed over to a friend's house to catch up on some of the daily happenings at Roland Garros and to watch LOST! (I like the show, just wish I didn't always feel quite so lost after it's over...lots of great story twists.)

Friday, abs, stretching and 40 minute run/walk offset. Work is obviously slow today since I'm here updating things...

As of Monday I started keeping a log of what I'm eating and the calories, fat calories, protein and carbs as well as logging my workouts. I know when I check out other runner's logs and see their recaps it motivates me to do more and work harder...hoping my own personal logs/recaps will help push me even more!

Countdown

Only three days until my new workout routine starts with Steve, my personal trainer. I am looking forward to getting started, I only wish I felt better. While on vacation a week and a half ago I caught a cold and boy has it sunk its teeth into me the last couple of day. Needless to say, I'm not sleeping much and have missed a several days at the gym and the whole running agenda has been non-existent -- I tried running the day after vacation but not being able to breath didn't seem to help my cause and I was walking within 5 minutes of starting. I'm not giving up though, I will get a running routine established and am hopeful that working with a trainer will help solidify things for me.

Ok, off to get a new box of tissues and a fresh pack of cough drops...

New Beginnings

So I've decided to make some changes in my life...and let me tell you, I am not a fan of change! But this is long overdue and I am hoping that maybe by keeping tabs with myself I'll stay motivated. I want to get serious about running...again. I started running last year, a good friend from work and I started entering 5k's. The goal was to do one each month! I am not the fastest runner, but I did find solace in running and I found myself having lengthy conversations with my brother and my Dad (my brother passed away in October 2005 and my Dad in January 2007). Now, I know running a 5k may not seem like much to many, but the feeling I had after that very first race...I've never experienced anything like it (is it possible to experience a runner's high from just 3.1 miles?...lol). Anyhow all was well until mid-August of last year, when everything just sort of caught up with me and everything stopped, running, working out, pretty much everything. About a month ago (April 25th) I decided that enough was enough, and life is way too short for all the self-pity I was wasting time with and I got my butt to the gym! My short-term goal was to drop about 40 lbs before heading on vacation on May 9th...hmmm, 2 weeks and 40 lbs...ok, so I guess my initial goal was a little unreasonable, but everyone wants to look great before vacation! Ok, so the point was I got up and got myself back into the gym, and that is something. Got back from vacation on Thursday, May 15th and was back into the gym on Friday and signing up for 4 weeks with a personal trainer!

My sessions start on Saturday, May 24th and will go until Tuesday, June 17th. So here's to change, and improving one's health physically and mentally. And who knows, maybe I'll be back on the 5k course before the end of the season this year!!