1 year ago
Thursday, July 10, 2008
What Was I Thinking...
Ok that sentiment covers MANY MANY MANY aspects of my life currently, social, business, but the one instance I am talking about here is I signed up to run the Run Jane Run 5k for Women's Center of Greater Cleveland in the middle of August (and happens to be my birthday weekend!). Ironically this is the last run I participated in last year. So, I've got 5 weeks to get myself together....
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
That's what it's felt like lately with running, working out, and everything! It was just a week ago that I'd not only broken that awful 10 minute mile by 30 seconds but then followed that up by completing a 9:11 mile. I was totally thrilled! And then...
Well here's the breakdown of my running:
Wednesday - 1 1/2 miles in 17 minutes -- back to an 11 minute mile and minor left foot pain that prevented me from trying to make a go at 2 mile.
Thursday - off; went to see Tim McGraw Wednesday night and didn't get home and in bed until 1:30 am!
Friday - 1 1/2 miles in just under 15 minutes -- ok back to about a 10 minute mile. Right foot bothering me after first mile and then...a sharp stabbing pain under my left shoulder blade that hurt every time I'd take a breath. Decided to not push it for the final 1/2 mile.
Saturday - Personal Training session -- feet and back felt not bad when I woke up, decided to take another running break. Bought new running shoes!! Am certain that will heal ALL my pains!
Sunday - 2 miles in 19 1/2 minutes -- under 10 minutes. Woke up in the morning with feet hurting, tight calves, and pain (under the shoulder blade and lower back). Started off walking at the gym and then broke into a run. Everything felt great while running -- the new shoes must be MAGIC! But alas, late that night, the back pain returned with a vengeance.
Monday - 2 miles in 22 minutes -- i walked the last two laps, dang it if I would have just run it out I'd of been closer to 10 minutes. Felt back pain towards end of run.
Tuesday - 2 miles in 24 minutes -- ugh, I'm going the wrong way!! Debated skipping the gym due to how my back was feeling but it doesn't hurt for the most part when I'm running, it's just once I stop and try stretching that it all comes flaring back.
Wednesday (today) - Personal Training session -- the back was not happy, spent the better part of the first half of my session getting stretched out, which lasted until about 2:00pm. Steve insists I not run until I get to a chiropractor...found one right near my house (literally, like a block from my house) and they were able to get me in for this Friday.
So now the question is, for the next two days to run or not run? It is frustrating. I really want to be running, and honestly thought I'd be up past 3 miles a day by now and thought I'd be back running 5k's as well. I question if I will ever get there. I just don't know what the deal is. Why am I hitting this wall? Ugh! I want to run!! Really, I do. I don't know how to explain it, I feel great once I start and then I get to this point at around 1 1/2 miles where I just lose it and I start to fall apart, the running slows (as if that were even possible!) and then these last couple days at 2 miles, I am completely exhausted! No really, completely! I'm finding myself falling asleep during the day and just wanting to crawl into bed once I am home -- which I have been fighting doing but maybe I need to just listen to my body more and give in for a nice good loooong nights sleep.
Well here's the breakdown of my running:
Wednesday - 1 1/2 miles in 17 minutes -- back to an 11 minute mile and minor left foot pain that prevented me from trying to make a go at 2 mile.
Thursday - off; went to see Tim McGraw Wednesday night and didn't get home and in bed until 1:30 am!
Friday - 1 1/2 miles in just under 15 minutes -- ok back to about a 10 minute mile. Right foot bothering me after first mile and then...a sharp stabbing pain under my left shoulder blade that hurt every time I'd take a breath. Decided to not push it for the final 1/2 mile.
Saturday - Personal Training session -- feet and back felt not bad when I woke up, decided to take another running break. Bought new running shoes!! Am certain that will heal ALL my pains!
Sunday - 2 miles in 19 1/2 minutes -- under 10 minutes. Woke up in the morning with feet hurting, tight calves, and pain (under the shoulder blade and lower back). Started off walking at the gym and then broke into a run. Everything felt great while running -- the new shoes must be MAGIC! But alas, late that night, the back pain returned with a vengeance.
Monday - 2 miles in 22 minutes -- i walked the last two laps, dang it if I would have just run it out I'd of been closer to 10 minutes. Felt back pain towards end of run.
Tuesday - 2 miles in 24 minutes -- ugh, I'm going the wrong way!! Debated skipping the gym due to how my back was feeling but it doesn't hurt for the most part when I'm running, it's just once I stop and try stretching that it all comes flaring back.
Wednesday (today) - Personal Training session -- the back was not happy, spent the better part of the first half of my session getting stretched out, which lasted until about 2:00pm. Steve insists I not run until I get to a chiropractor...found one right near my house (literally, like a block from my house) and they were able to get me in for this Friday.
So now the question is, for the next two days to run or not run? It is frustrating. I really want to be running, and honestly thought I'd be up past 3 miles a day by now and thought I'd be back running 5k's as well. I question if I will ever get there. I just don't know what the deal is. Why am I hitting this wall? Ugh! I want to run!! Really, I do. I don't know how to explain it, I feel great once I start and then I get to this point at around 1 1/2 miles where I just lose it and I start to fall apart, the running slows (as if that were even possible!) and then these last couple days at 2 miles, I am completely exhausted! No really, completely! I'm finding myself falling asleep during the day and just wanting to crawl into bed once I am home -- which I have been fighting doing but maybe I need to just listen to my body more and give in for a nice good loooong nights sleep.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Taking it slow
I've been consistent with getting to the gym daily, with the exception of Sunday -- but a day of rest is usually suggested anyway. My goal after last Wednesday was to get in at least 2 miles running on Thursday and Friday.
Thursday, I ran 2 miles in about 22 minutes.
Friday, I ran only 1 1/2 miles and didn't run them consistent...but I ran 1 mile in 10 minutes (yeah), walked a couple of laps then ran 1/2 mile in 5 minutes (double-yeah). Ok. I reached goal number one a 10 minute mile. I can't believe I actually did it, again I understand this isn't any great accomplishment to some, but for me, right now, it's something.
Saturday I had my one hour training time with Steve, and after there was no running, my feet were really sore...Steve says it sounds like the onset for plantar fasciitis and that I need to take a couple of days off from running. I need to get new shoes too, mine are pretty worn.
Sunday was an off day.
Monday, still feeling pretty sore from Saturday's workout so did lots of abs and lots of stretching. I ran, but only a mile...but I pushed myself more than I usually do when running and I got the mile in, in 9 1/2 minutes!! Walked a couple of laps and then did a real slow run for about 3 minutes, then followed it all up with more stretching. Shins, calves and feet felt pretty good.
Tuesday (today), had my hour with Steve since he'll be out of town tomorrow. Got to the gym early and walked a little, then decided to run - 1 mile in 9.11 -- YES. I am REALLY excited about this time; and again shins, calves and feet felt good. Spent some time stretching then did my hour with Steve -- he kicked my butt good again today, not looking forward to how this is going to feel when I get up tomorrow.
So, I may not be getting my miles up there...I'd like to be running a minimum of 3 miles each day, but I have gotten my time down way more than I had even begun to think about doing. New goal, keep on keeping on, take it slow as far as miles covered; push myself to get the mile time in and then take it real slow for a several minutes. Hmmm, I may actually get to a point where I'm going to have two different paces to run at, albeit s-l-o-w and extremely s---l---o---w, but it's still two different paces!
Thursday, I ran 2 miles in about 22 minutes.
Friday, I ran only 1 1/2 miles and didn't run them consistent...but I ran 1 mile in 10 minutes (yeah), walked a couple of laps then ran 1/2 mile in 5 minutes (double-yeah). Ok. I reached goal number one a 10 minute mile. I can't believe I actually did it, again I understand this isn't any great accomplishment to some, but for me, right now, it's something.
Saturday I had my one hour training time with Steve, and after there was no running, my feet were really sore...Steve says it sounds like the onset for plantar fasciitis and that I need to take a couple of days off from running. I need to get new shoes too, mine are pretty worn.
Sunday was an off day.
Monday, still feeling pretty sore from Saturday's workout so did lots of abs and lots of stretching. I ran, but only a mile...but I pushed myself more than I usually do when running and I got the mile in, in 9 1/2 minutes!! Walked a couple of laps and then did a real slow run for about 3 minutes, then followed it all up with more stretching. Shins, calves and feet felt pretty good.
Tuesday (today), had my hour with Steve since he'll be out of town tomorrow. Got to the gym early and walked a little, then decided to run - 1 mile in 9.11 -- YES. I am REALLY excited about this time; and again shins, calves and feet felt good. Spent some time stretching then did my hour with Steve -- he kicked my butt good again today, not looking forward to how this is going to feel when I get up tomorrow.
So, I may not be getting my miles up there...I'd like to be running a minimum of 3 miles each day, but I have gotten my time down way more than I had even begun to think about doing. New goal, keep on keeping on, take it slow as far as miles covered; push myself to get the mile time in and then take it real slow for a several minutes. Hmmm, I may actually get to a point where I'm going to have two different paces to run at, albeit s-l-o-w and extremely s---l---o---w, but it's still two different paces!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Personal Training update
The personal training workouts are moving along. As of today it has been one month since I started my sessions with Steve so today rather than working out I had the opportunity to get my self weighed and measured and pinched for body fat counts. Oh Yeah!
When I'd had my measurements and all done at the beginning I didn't ask to see them and didn't want to know, all I wanted to be told was after the next "check-up" if I'd improved. Now I did accidentally see my weight last time and that was fairly traumatic in itself (and was glad I didn't know the other numbers). So, following suit, I didn't want to know today either... I've already signed up for the additional sessions, he can see the numbers, he knows my goals, just work my ass of til I'm there (or my cash runs out). BUT, he had other plans, he shared. I've lost 7 pounds and a total of 6 inches. My body fat is still high, but Steve reassured me that in comparison to the Amer. Heart Assoc. I wasn't that far off from the "normal" range. Personally, I'm a little disgusted with my body fat count percent -- but then again 0% isn't a healthy percentage, body's need to have fat on them. Guess I have a few self image issues eh? lol, and if you knew me you'd know how true that is...
So after spending my hour of personal training time becoming frustrated... I went and ran! Tried to funnel my frustrations into pushing myself harder (which is something I've decided I am not doing enough of). I got in 2 miles and some good stretching time. Hopefully be able to match those 2 miles the next two days... I ran without the ipod again and it went well. Thinking of trying to go without it the next couple of days and see how it continues to go.
When I'd had my measurements and all done at the beginning I didn't ask to see them and didn't want to know, all I wanted to be told was after the next "check-up" if I'd improved. Now I did accidentally see my weight last time and that was fairly traumatic in itself (and was glad I didn't know the other numbers). So, following suit, I didn't want to know today either... I've already signed up for the additional sessions, he can see the numbers, he knows my goals, just work my ass of til I'm there (or my cash runs out). BUT, he had other plans, he shared. I've lost 7 pounds and a total of 6 inches. My body fat is still high, but Steve reassured me that in comparison to the Amer. Heart Assoc. I wasn't that far off from the "normal" range. Personally, I'm a little disgusted with my body fat count percent -- but then again 0% isn't a healthy percentage, body's need to have fat on them. Guess I have a few self image issues eh? lol, and if you knew me you'd know how true that is...
So after spending my hour of personal training time becoming frustrated... I went and ran! Tried to funnel my frustrations into pushing myself harder (which is something I've decided I am not doing enough of). I got in 2 miles and some good stretching time. Hopefully be able to match those 2 miles the next two days... I ran without the ipod again and it went well. Thinking of trying to go without it the next couple of days and see how it continues to go.
Dealing with Life in general
The reason behind this blog was to keep me in check with my workouts and my training and with trying to re-kindle my enjoyment of running. But, the things that happen in the rest of my life CLEARLY have an effect on my workouts and health habits (that and since nobody reads my blog, what difference does it really make what I write about on here... right? ok, well sort of right).
I think I'm living a page out of my life in bizarro world. Here's my thing... what's the statue of limitations on apologies?
If a situation occurs between two people and after the occurrence you have no contact or interactions of any sort with that person... Is it "ok" for that person to come out of the blue three years later and apologize? I have basically written this person off, they are no longer a part of my life and I have come to terms with it. Or at least I thought I had...
Does the situation change depending on the type of friend the person was; a life long/childhood friend, a co-worker friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend? I suppose the seriousness of the infraction plays a part, too, maybe.
Anyhow, I've had a blast from the past and had this other person come up out of the blue and apologize. The problem is, I am not certain of their intentions for this... (yes, I have trust issues on day-to-day basis but seriously not sure I can trust this person anymore after all that has happened). Now, lets say this person showed up two and a half years ago with this apology or even two years ago... I would have most likely jumped at the situation to make amends with this person. But so much has happened in my life in these three years...and I would have expected this person to be there for me during the times of my brother and Dad's illnesses. The truth is, this person wasn't there during my saddest darkest moments and I am not sure I can forgive that. Is that unfair? Selfish? or Human?
Ugh....
I think I'm living a page out of my life in bizarro world. Here's my thing... what's the statue of limitations on apologies?
If a situation occurs between two people and after the occurrence you have no contact or interactions of any sort with that person... Is it "ok" for that person to come out of the blue three years later and apologize? I have basically written this person off, they are no longer a part of my life and I have come to terms with it. Or at least I thought I had...
Does the situation change depending on the type of friend the person was; a life long/childhood friend, a co-worker friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend? I suppose the seriousness of the infraction plays a part, too, maybe.
Anyhow, I've had a blast from the past and had this other person come up out of the blue and apologize. The problem is, I am not certain of their intentions for this... (yes, I have trust issues on day-to-day basis but seriously not sure I can trust this person anymore after all that has happened). Now, lets say this person showed up two and a half years ago with this apology or even two years ago... I would have most likely jumped at the situation to make amends with this person. But so much has happened in my life in these three years...and I would have expected this person to be there for me during the times of my brother and Dad's illnesses. The truth is, this person wasn't there during my saddest darkest moments and I am not sure I can forgive that. Is that unfair? Selfish? or Human?
Ugh....
Friday, June 20, 2008
Running with demons
Been fighting lots or running demons and other internal demons alot over the past couple of weeks...I can't seem to run even a mile lately without just feeling exhausted and hyper-ventalating, been having some restless nights with out much sleep so I have slept in and skipped the gym more than I care to admit. Last night was a long evening, but a good one so that helped; went to see a midnight showing of the new "Get Smart" movie. By the time I dropped my friend off and then got myself home it was almost 3am...guess getting up at 4:15 to head to the gym wasn't going to happen! Woke up around 6 and decided that maybe I was in need of a good "mental health day" so I call into work, rolled over and went back to sleep.
I woke up about 9am...the kitties just couldn't wait for breakfast any longer!...checked my emails, had a quick breakfast, chatted with my friend who was on his way to Canada for the weekend and then headed out to the gym! Was a beautiful day out and thought about heading down to the park to run, but the mile markers aren't marked real well and I was afraid I'd give up too early. Besides, somewhere in my head I had decided that I was going to run 3 miles or 30 minutes today! Ok, now first off, I haven't run a solid non-stop 3 miles in probably about 10-12 months and second well with running about a 11-12 minute mile I sure wasn't going to get in those 3 miles in the 30 minutes...seriously, what the hell was I thinking?!?!
I got to the gym did some ab work then lots of stretching then onto the track to warm up and then run! As I walked the track to warm up those demons that have bugging me lately woke up and started chattering...they were some strong ones today. What was going to only be 3-4 lap walking warm-up turned into almost 20 minutes of walking and fighting with those demons. To top it all off i'd left my i-pod at home, usually the music lulls the demons back to sleep or I just turn it up louder to drown them out and I focus on getting through the next song...but today no music, just me and the demons! They reminded me of the weight I've gained and the clothes that don't fit that did last year, reminded me of the skittles and diet Coke I'd had at the movies last night, and how slow I am when I do run, they brought up work and that with the merger I could be out of a job within the next year, they even brought up personal relationships, they had no boundaries today... I kept trying to quiet them and rationalize with them telling them - I am at the gym, I am working out, I have my trainer, overall I am eating better, I have proved myself at my job and if/when one door closes another will open, I have at least one good friend and others who care about me. Then I glanced at the clock, 11:30 exactly, and for a brief moment I ignored everything else in my head and all i heard was "Run!".... And I did...I ran. I turned their taunts into conversations and then into debates...I was going to dispell their aweful ideas. Suddenly a couple other people , faster people, came up to the track to run and I wondered if they had demons they were conversing with...or maybe it's just me and I am crazy?! I looked at the clock and 20 minutes had passed, I was already over a mile and a half, I did a quick check and everything was feeling fine. 30 minutes, that was basically my initial goal but I only have 8 more laps to go and I'll have my 3 miles...keep pushing, nothing comes easy, sometimes we have to find our limits... I can feel blisters forming on my big toe..."stop running on your tip-toes", "control your breathing"...Oh Now the Demons are Giving Running Advice!!...
When all was done I'd ran 50 laps (a smidge over 3 miles) in 35 minutes! I did it! I ran 3 miles without stopping. I know this is no real feat to some people, I read blogs of real runners who are doing a 3 mile warm-up before their 30 mile runs, some run 50k's and even 100-miles, but for me, today, my victory came at just a smidge over 3 miles long and I did it!
So now I am home and have the rest of the afternoon to myself and I feel content.
I know those demons will be back and I will be ready for them!
I woke up about 9am...the kitties just couldn't wait for breakfast any longer!...checked my emails, had a quick breakfast, chatted with my friend who was on his way to Canada for the weekend and then headed out to the gym! Was a beautiful day out and thought about heading down to the park to run, but the mile markers aren't marked real well and I was afraid I'd give up too early. Besides, somewhere in my head I had decided that I was going to run 3 miles or 30 minutes today! Ok, now first off, I haven't run a solid non-stop 3 miles in probably about 10-12 months and second well with running about a 11-12 minute mile I sure wasn't going to get in those 3 miles in the 30 minutes...seriously, what the hell was I thinking?!?!
I got to the gym did some ab work then lots of stretching then onto the track to warm up and then run! As I walked the track to warm up those demons that have bugging me lately woke up and started chattering...they were some strong ones today. What was going to only be 3-4 lap walking warm-up turned into almost 20 minutes of walking and fighting with those demons. To top it all off i'd left my i-pod at home, usually the music lulls the demons back to sleep or I just turn it up louder to drown them out and I focus on getting through the next song...but today no music, just me and the demons! They reminded me of the weight I've gained and the clothes that don't fit that did last year, reminded me of the skittles and diet Coke I'd had at the movies last night, and how slow I am when I do run, they brought up work and that with the merger I could be out of a job within the next year, they even brought up personal relationships, they had no boundaries today... I kept trying to quiet them and rationalize with them telling them - I am at the gym, I am working out, I have my trainer, overall I am eating better, I have proved myself at my job and if/when one door closes another will open, I have at least one good friend and others who care about me. Then I glanced at the clock, 11:30 exactly, and for a brief moment I ignored everything else in my head and all i heard was "Run!".... And I did...I ran. I turned their taunts into conversations and then into debates...I was going to dispell their aweful ideas. Suddenly a couple other people , faster people, came up to the track to run and I wondered if they had demons they were conversing with...or maybe it's just me and I am crazy?! I looked at the clock and 20 minutes had passed, I was already over a mile and a half, I did a quick check and everything was feeling fine. 30 minutes, that was basically my initial goal but I only have 8 more laps to go and I'll have my 3 miles...keep pushing, nothing comes easy, sometimes we have to find our limits... I can feel blisters forming on my big toe..."stop running on your tip-toes", "control your breathing"...Oh Now the Demons are Giving Running Advice!!...
When all was done I'd ran 50 laps (a smidge over 3 miles) in 35 minutes! I did it! I ran 3 miles without stopping. I know this is no real feat to some people, I read blogs of real runners who are doing a 3 mile warm-up before their 30 mile runs, some run 50k's and even 100-miles, but for me, today, my victory came at just a smidge over 3 miles long and I did it!
So now I am home and have the rest of the afternoon to myself and I feel content.
I know those demons will be back and I will be ready for them!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Personal Training update
So had my 6th training session this morning and will be re-signing this Saturday for at least another 8 sessions, if I can figure out the finances though I may sign up for 16 -- that'll get me through to my birthday. I just find it hard to believe that the first set of sessions is almost over. Time sure does fly when you are having fun - lol.
My trainer (Steve) insists that I'm getting stronger and says it looks like I've lost some weight. But it's only been a couple of weeks, and I don't feel it or see it. All I see is the negative stuff, like I'm still not able to do lunges all that well and my form is all off and my lower back is really fighting me the past week and I don't know what's up with my running but I'm lucky to complete a mile without stopping and blah, blah, blay. I know BE POSITIVE! I am re-building my leg muscles and getting them stronger so they fatigue quicker once I run after training...it WILL get better. The weight didn't really come on over-night, so don't expect it to come off over-night. I am eating healthier and making better choices when I eat out.
My trainer (Steve) insists that I'm getting stronger and says it looks like I've lost some weight. But it's only been a couple of weeks, and I don't feel it or see it. All I see is the negative stuff, like I'm still not able to do lunges all that well and my form is all off and my lower back is really fighting me the past week and I don't know what's up with my running but I'm lucky to complete a mile without stopping and blah, blah, blay. I know BE POSITIVE! I am re-building my leg muscles and getting them stronger so they fatigue quicker once I run after training...it WILL get better. The weight didn't really come on over-night, so don't expect it to come off over-night. I am eating healthier and making better choices when I eat out.
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